Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Get Firefox Ad

This is a pretty cool ad for Firefox that just makes me laugh…

Firefox, IE, Opera, Netscape, browsers, funny, ad

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Bring The Pain

I got pwn3d.

One of my closest friends is getting married, and as his best man, it fell to me to plan the bachelor party. One of the planned events was paintball at Canobie Paintball in Windham, NH.

I was a bit nervous to play, as the weather reports were not looking favorable and we were going to be drinking quite heavily the night before. However, plans were made and we were resolved to shoot each other.

After a few hours of sleep (and cleaning up a huge puddle of vomit), we made our way south to the paintball field. Canobie Paintball rates a 5 out of 10 on my scale of paintball fields. After having been told over the phone that we would definitely have private games just for our group, it turned out that this was not the case.

It worked out okay, but as far as I am concerned, if you are going to run a business you should make sure all your employees know what's going on. It worked out okay because there weren't a lot of walk-ons, but I was fairly pissed anyway.

Another thing that pissed me off was the staff. They were very pushy, and really rushed us from game to game. We were given seven minutes to refill on air and paintballs, clean paint off masks, get a drink or a snack, or simply take a breather. Due to the lack of people there, I am not sure what the rush was.

The games were also a little rushed, simply due to the size of the fields. Almost all the fields were kind of short, with the exception of one open field that had all kinds of bunkers and obstacles. I am sure that Canobie Paintball is somewhat restricted due to lack of real estate, but they probably could have consolidated two courses into one. Aside from all the bitching, we really did have a good time.

Our last game pitted the bachelor and myself against everyone else. The rules were simple - we had to kill everyone twice, but they could not kill us - hits on us did not count. It was basically a chance for everyone to engage in severely anti-social behavior and hurt us as much as possible. I have no idea how long it lasted.

It felt like ten minutes perhaps, but when you are getting peppered by dozens of 68 caliber paintballs travelling at 275 feet per second, time seems to slow.

At least I didn't cry.

[tags]bachelor, canobie, drinking, nh, paintball, party, vomit, windham[/tags]

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G00gL3 4 h4×0rs

Looks like the clever folks over at GrayHats.com have created a special version of Google for those who speaks the language of gamerz and h4x0rz:

These people have too much time on their hands. It is pretty funny though...

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Al Qaeda Develops New Weapons of Mass Destruction

The CIA has learned today through anonymous sources and on-the-ground intelligence that Al Qaeda has developed new weapons of mass destruction, the likes of which have never been seen in this country. Sources tell us that Pakistani scientists have been working for decades on weather-related weapons, and have finally developed a working prototype that was recently tested by radicals in Pakistan.

The device (pictured at right) generates high currents of wind, which causes air molecules to rub together causing friction and lightning. Because the wind that is generated is rotational, it has the power to absorb moisture from large bodies of water, thus giving the weapon far more power than just pure air. Pakistani scientists predict high wind, coupled with flooding, lightning, and tornados.

The CIA and the Department of Homeland Security have identified Hurricane Katrina as the result of the first test run of this weapon. High winds generated from the machine originated over Pakistan where they were picked up by the jetstream and carried over Africa. From there, the wind hit conditions favorable for future development, and found a vast source of warm water - the Atlantic Ocean. As we have seen, this weapon brings mass destruction where it hits.

Sources are reporting that the President has been briefed, and has declared war against hurricanes, saying "The sole purpose of a hurricane is to terrorize the citizens of the United States, and they are weapons of mass destruction. We must prevail." However, our military presence in Afghanistan and Iraq, coupled with the National Guard activations to the Gulf Coast have left the US unable to respond with military force. "All options are on the table," declared the President.

Due to the unpredictable nature of these weapons, the CIA, NSA, and DHS have been unable to predict where future attacks might occur. The nation's terror alert status has been upgraded to red.

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Tyrants In Skivvies

In yet another showing of America's sense of humor, member of our Armed Services serving in Iraq have anonymously released pictures of Saddam Hussein in his underwear to the British press. As if the US military didn't already have enough problems with following the rules set forth by the Geneva Convention, here is one more example of our troops degrading prisoners.

On the other hand, Saddam needs a little degradation, in my opinion. The man in charge of thousands of murders, rapes, and other human rights abuses ought to be publicly humiliated for the rest of his life. If nothing else, this serves as a potent reminder to the other tyrants and dictators of the world that they are not as safe and powerful as they think they are.

I sincerely hope that this image gets beamed across the global news networks into the living rooms of every dictator's residence. I just wish the image hadn't come from our military...

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